I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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