I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
