his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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