Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Please don't give away my fajitas
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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