he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Two words: nipple clamps
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