im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
