Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
