I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
