its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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