Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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