Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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