We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
