I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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