Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
