I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
