you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
