you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
