Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
