So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
