i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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