Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
