I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
