dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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