Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
