i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
