From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
