it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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