what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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