Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize