I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
