Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
