dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
