K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
