theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she smelled like a LAN party
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize