oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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