M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
