if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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