New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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