My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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