I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I see more hoeing in ur future
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
