shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
