You can't special order awesome
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
