i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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