FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize