I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
