well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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