In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
