overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
