Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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