Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
