there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
