ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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