And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
