U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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