who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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