Only a mothe r could love this liver
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
