my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
