he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
