so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
