sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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