ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Vodka?
Forever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
