He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
