Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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