just tell him i said nine months
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
