I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize