I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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