In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
