is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
