I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
