I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
