I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
