Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
