I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
