So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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