some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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