I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
