bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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