Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
