Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
