Small penises have feelings too.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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