...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize