Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
