I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
