1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
