i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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