I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
