Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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