I wannas sexs uuuuu
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
