Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
