yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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