the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
