I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I forget how to act sober
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
