Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
