bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm always down for nudity.
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